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Literature Text
Locked within transparent prisons
Outside looking in or out?
Water drips to hard stone floors
from some distant unseen spout.
Limitations they chained to them
with phrases like "I dont know how"
Never realize their potential
Darkened by a see-through cowl.
Never stretching their horizons
never trying change it seems.
Never reaching for the stars
Never realizing their dreams.
I watch and listen all around me
So loud it almost makes me cry
But noone ever thinks to stop
and hear the scream within the sigh.
Outside looking in or out?
Water drips to hard stone floors
from some distant unseen spout.
Limitations they chained to them
with phrases like "I dont know how"
Never realize their potential
Darkened by a see-through cowl.
Never stretching their horizons
never trying change it seems.
Never reaching for the stars
Never realizing their dreams.
I watch and listen all around me
So loud it almost makes me cry
But noone ever thinks to stop
and hear the scream within the sigh.
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This one didnt come out as good as I wanted it but this is about the 4th revamp of it on my hard drive so i decided to submit it anyhoo to see the reaction to it. Comments welcomed
::[Matrix7]::
::[Matrix7]::
© 2001 - 2024 matrix7
Comments9
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My thoughts on this poem:
First of all, I'm not sure of the perspective in this peom... I'm not sure who it is that is in the "prison". If it is first person, then leave it as is... but if not, you should add the word they're before your first line. (They're locked within transparent prisons) - which to me, clears up most of the perspective problem with it.
I'm not sure the symbolism or purpose of these lines: "Water drips to hard stone floors / from some distant unseen spout."
Also, I don't know what a "Cowl" is
And I definitly don't know what the last line has to do with any of the rest of it.
Even though I really like the last line by itself.
Well, that is just my honest 2 cents...
I see much potential in this poem.
I really like the overall meaning and message.
Keep writing
sixwings
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* https://sixwings.deviantart.com/deviation s*
First of all, I'm not sure of the perspective in this peom... I'm not sure who it is that is in the "prison". If it is first person, then leave it as is... but if not, you should add the word they're before your first line. (They're locked within transparent prisons) - which to me, clears up most of the perspective problem with it.
I'm not sure the symbolism or purpose of these lines: "Water drips to hard stone floors / from some distant unseen spout."
Also, I don't know what a "Cowl" is
And I definitly don't know what the last line has to do with any of the rest of it.
Even though I really like the last line by itself.
Well, that is just my honest 2 cents...
I see much potential in this poem.
I really like the overall meaning and message.
Keep writing
sixwings
-
-. (
) .__
__* https://sixwings.deviantart.com/deviation s*