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:iconmatrix7: More from matrix7





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Submitted on
July 13, 2002
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::[Perfect Sunrise]::

Colors dance on the horizon
midnight rainbows fill my eyes
I try again but fail the task
to put in words a soft sunrise.

Hidden brushstrokes change the scene
with palletes just beyond the sky
to something seen within my dreams
as sunbeams kiss the night goodbye.
Just a short poem that came to me when I saw a sunrise on the way to work and tried to put it into words, but couldnt quite seem to find the words.


Comments welcome
::[Matrix7]::
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Daily Deviation

Given 2002-11-08
"Colors dance on the horizon" is the first line of Perfect Sunrise - 39 by matrix7 It's a gentle poem with a beautiful flow and the very last line is the sort of line for which poetry was invented. (Selected by +jsenn) ( Featured by jsenn )
:iconadrenalinerush:
adrenalinerush Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2003   Writer
Wonderfully writtedn i wish there was more!!
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:iconphixion:
phixion Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2002   Writer
Very concise. I usually prefer lengthier pieces, but this says enough in so few words. Great job. :) (Smile) Keep it up.
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:iconfauxgravity:
fauxgravity Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2002
I don't like this. I thought it was cliched, somewhat childish and bland. I don't think you deserved a DD for it. You can't even spell 'palettes'. But the whole poetry/prose system in da is a complete joke anyway. Think of this as me directing my bitterness at someone who can deflect it with their huge cushions of praise.
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:iconluci-fer:
luci-fer Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2002   Writer
I think I understand where you're coming from with the 'midnight rainbows' and 'sunbeams kiss the night goodbye' - I know people usually associate night with sunsets, but look at it from the other direction and it's still valid. The midnight rainbows occur as the sun comes up OUT of the darkness - not into it. And the sunbeams kiss the night itself goodbye, not going themselves. I think this is a interesting take on the cycle of things.
I would say a lot of the phrases and words I've heard before but in every day language who hasn't? I understand the need to be creative and original but sometimes what comes first and naturally to you has been said and done before, cause you're not the first to see a sunrise, but that doesn't mean that it isn't special and personal to you.
I think it is a very nice poem, but the reason I didn't vote is because it just isn't my kind of thing - it's not that I dislike it, but while I can appreciate it I can't...relate, be immersed by it I think.
I think the rhyming was done well and can be repeated and said easily and fluently, congrats on the DD; your poem certainly portays a sunrise well.



-Luci
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:iconfatelessmirror:
fatelessmirror Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2002

...still can't find the words?

After all this?

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:icondark-illusion:
dark-illusion Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2002
hmm nice poem
good rythm and flow
gj for the dd
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:icontigaer:
tigaer Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2002  Professional Digital Artist
wow... one of the best english poems i've ever read... great job :) (Smile) (me as a german haven't read so much english poems ;) (Wink) ) - anyhow a great one and so easy to understand even for someone who isn't a champ in english :) (Smile)

congrats on the DD :) (Smile)
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:iconpisschrist:
pisschrist Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2002
This is okay.
I find it a bit cliche in areas.
dance
sunrise
rainbows
horizons
midnight
dreams

These words are used far too much in writing, I prefer originality first.
I am not trying to be an asshole, just being honest.
Even the title is cliche.

I have been disappointed in the DD picks for writing a lot lately, a few exceptions here and there.
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:iconjezebel:
jezebel Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2002
Its a nice poem... my only problem with it is that sunrises don't have at midnight do they? At least not around here. It'd be pretty cool if they did. :D (Big Grin) :D (Big Grin)
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:icondeathly01003:
deathly01003 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2002   Writer
God that is a lot of comments.
I love it, its beautiful.
I like how there is a double sense of painting things, both with your words and the sky changing constantly, it just makes it all the more perfect
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