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Sometimes I wonder if its worth
the mask I wear to hide the hurt.
The outer shell I show to all
but they don't see when I trip and fall.
But the inner me few people know
I push it deep and never show
the scared little boy I am within
when all alone, I fight to win
the constant battle going on
between what is right and what is wrong.
And out of sight but always there
is the sense of fear that fills the air;

Still scared of the dark after all these years,
Still scared to let go of my tears,
Scared to drop my hardened shell
that I've worn so long and kept so well.
Scared to let somebody in
afraid to let them close again.
Scared right to the very bone
of living all my life alone.
Scared to let somebody see
the scars I have all over me
from ones with whom I've shared my heart
and been betrayed and ripped apart.

Then the walls shoot up again
and I push down deep the hurt within.
But every time my heart gets tore
the walls are stronger than before.
Until I'm scared to even let
someone close to me, and yet
I long for someone to reach through my shell
to the little boy within myself.

Someone who will hold me near
to whom I can tell all my fears
of never being good enough
of never being strong and tough
of never having any friends
of scars, I fear, that never mend
of always being second best
of failing all of life's little tests.
And sometimes just to sit and stare
into my soul and truly care
about the peron I long to be
and the Little Boy inside of me...
Another of my older poems that I decided to upload. This one is basically about my insecurities and inner fears growing up. I was 16 when I wrote this and a lot has changed but some of it is still the same (still dont particularly care for being alone in the dark for one). Just kidding...
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reapersrage Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2003   Writer
This poem is great I really enjoyed reading it, I hope to write that well some day, hehe

Curiosity took over my body and before it became clear, I found my self walking in the strangers direction.
“Hello” I whispered in a peaceful tone.

-Carlos Franco, R.R
dor Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2001
hehe glad you knew what I meant ;) (Wink)

(I just noticed you are a Christian as I came across some of your Christian poems)

"Hard" path to walk on...
I've kinda fallen =( (Sad)

but your words are very inspirational...
matrix7 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2001  Hobbyist General Artist
..."go look at your wife or a tree or something!!!!!"...

That is gonna keep me chuckling all day now...heehee...thank you for the laugh! I will go find something to "look at" as you put it and be back up in no time ;) (Wink)

Don't wowwy, I am not gonna quit. (Elmer Fudd Voice)

*Goes into Rain Man bit*
Definitely not gonna quit, def-definitely not gonna quit. Uh oh...gotta go to K Mart..."
now THAT was a good movie....heh

***End of incessant rambling.***
dor Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2001
oh and the bad thing is I'm suppose to be working!!!!! not reading your stuff! hehe

anyways your poetry is true poetry
(though I'm no expert for sures)

this "has got" to be what true poetry is! =) (Smile)
dor Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2001
you're in a slump??? well go look at your wife or a tree or something!!!!! and get back to writing pleazzzzzzzzzz hehe

matrix7 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2001  Hobbyist General Artist
Look at all my stuff eh? And the bad thing would be.......? Hee hee, just kidding. Thanks for the kind words! They are much appreciated, especially as I seem to have been in a writing slump lately. Oh well, I feel like it is gonna lift soon though, we'll see!

dor Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2001
Matrix I found it!! hehe
sorry, I don't know why your note came over to me alittle late, just rec'd it today =/
(but anyways it made me look at some of your other poems)
you write great emotion... =) (Smile)
now I have to go and look at ALL your stuff!!!! arghhhhhhhhhh

umbilikal Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2001   Writer
As much as I dislike rhyming poetry...your poem was far from trite. And most of the ones that rhyme seem trite to me. I can relate to your insecurities, but as it should be with you, I have gotten over them. This work is just a steady reminder of the fact that the person you need to understand best is yourself. Then one can decide to tackle relationships and life. I think I tried that the wrong was around a few

jsenn Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2001
You write very well. You seem to be more sensitive than I expected after I read you questioning the-jafo's decision to personalize, by request, his WinAmp skin for me (Joy) "JSennAmp"

Fears are always with us. Some of the tender fears we experience as children follow us throughout our lives. Indelible might be a good word for those fears. Maturity brings new fears which may haunt the sleeplessness of our nighttimes with sorrow and regret. Ya just gotta rock along sometimes. (A famous line) "this too shall pass."
sanguru Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2001  Hobbyist Writer

I'm very envious of your rhyming skill. I can't do anything near that good. I like the ideas you have here, very nice. you portayed your emotions very well and got the points across quite clearly. Keep up the good work =]

-I enter in silence
and in that way
I leave.-

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August 16, 2001
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